Where: Murphy's - definitely-maybe we're in!

We visited Murphy's with friends on Thanksgiving weekend and then again the next Friday. We had lots of questions and we got lots of answers - good ones.

• The events menu for Mrs. Murphy and Sons (which a lot of people - not me - call Irish Bistro) is totally flexible. We're not stuck with bangers and mash for 150 people in July. We can substitute with lots of different things - even items that aren't on the menu. Any ideas?


• We'll get the whole bar - upstairs with stained glass and windows, as well as downstairs with a big wooden bar. There's tons of seating and lots of nooks so people talk, sit, eat, drink and dance if they want. I like that the space is flexible too. I don't think we'll change it a whole lot, but I definitely like that we can.


• The bar is cozy and fun. The walls are green and I can picture us prettying things up a bit with flowers too.


• We can have an open bar (either we pay a set fee per person or for each drink). We can offer a lot or a little. B likes all the beers on tap - I like that they have Bud Light as well as all the fancy labels.


• I was only a tiny bit worried about where I could get ready for the ceremony (weird!). We can go in the back of the upstairs to either the posh bathroom or another room. Fancy!


• Murphy's has really nice bathrooms. And an elevator, which is handy for grandparent types.
  

Right now we are on for a Saturday in July and after we answer a few more questions, visit with my parents and B's mom we might be for sure.

To confirm and explain the typical Criner decision-making process: my mom sent me an email soon after we began seeing Murphy's as the big winner:

Murphy's will be fine. I don't know of another alternative. It does meet the criteria. Air conditioning, bathrooms and booze.

Where: The Wrap Up

It's not the best-kept secret that we've already chosen the wedding location and date, but I'd like to do a quick rundown before we announce.

We visited Williams Tree Farm the same day as Midway Village. It's about 15 miles north of Rockford, which puts it damn near in Wisconsin. Even the Criners had a time finding it, which might be a problem for people driving from Chicago. The main building was basically a high-raftered lodge. I loved the tree murals on the bathroom walls and the snack bar serving chili dogs. Amanda wasn't a fan of the bench seating, gravel parking lot and general lack of what's commonly referred to as "class."

The Radisson Rockford was the only traditional banquet hall we visited. The main advantage here is that they take care of pretty much everything for a flat fee ($74 or $69 per person), but it turned out more expensive than some better locations. I was quite revolted, but Amanda, her mom and Julie thought the space was not bad, albeit being poorly used at the wedding being set up that day.

Side note on that wedding, a sampling of the names they'd given their tables: Love, Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Family, Communication, Forever. I shit you not.

The Irish American Heritage Center was an early favorite, but the more we thought about it the harder it became to picture our wedding there. The un-air-conditioned ballroom on the third floor is pretty much unusable for a summer wedding, and while the Fifth Province itself is nice, the adjoining rooms are decidedly less so. Not to mention it's open to the public after five.

Architectural Artifacts is just too expensive. When there are places like the Rockford Woman's Club or Mrs. Murphy's that include a lot more for the cost, paying over $4,000 for just the space seems like a waste. The Ravenswood Billboard Factory, Catalyst Ranch and Stan Mansion were all considered but never actually visited mostly because of this.

Midway Village is unique and relatively cheap, but the barn would require too much work to make it what we wanted. Stringing lights and decorating a barn is not how I picture spending my wedding day. Both the front rooms and their small dance floor were too cramped to ever really merit consideration.

At the end, we narrowed it down to Mrs. Murphy and Sons, The Rockford Woman's Club and... Amanda's parents' house. I'll let her take it from here.

Where: The Rockford Woman's Club

Map | Website

Over Thanksgiving we visited the Rockford Women's Club in downtown Rockford, joined by honor attendent Julie in from D.C. (I've been reading the Bride's Guide to Etiquette, and "maid of honor" has fallen out of favor a bit. Plus I think "honor attendent" is funny.)

The Women's Club was formed in 1897, and the building itself opened in 1918. They have an adjoining theatre and host a variety of events, including a fair number of weddings. They're right across the street from the Coronado Theatre, another spot we considered until hearing the $4,500 price tag. Downtown Rockford is easily accessible from interstate with lots of parking.

The Women's Club will rent you either the lower level ($1,200) or the entire building ($1,900) for most of the day through midnight. We would almost certainly do the whole building, both to accomodate 150 people and we because liked the second floor a lot.

The lower level resembles a church basement with the important addition of a bar. A wide staircase from upstairs leads into the bar area and faces a long room filled with round tables with small outdoor garden area at the end. The head table is usually set up in front of the garden. Not that we're having a head table.

There are a few smaller rooms past the bar area, which also has some booths and a coatroom. The bar itself wasn't bad, but apparently the whole area had some rather jarring purple walls (or so I was later told, this is not the sort of thing I notice). All in all, the lower level wouldn't be a bad place to have a holiday party, but for a wedding it's a bit underwhelming.

The second floor is a lot cooler, and indeed feels like a turn-of-the-century social club. There's a sitting room, sunroom, another set of bathrooms and a really nice main gallery with hardwood floors and high wood ceilings. It's easy to imagine dancing in the gallery and people wandering the hallways with drinks in hand. I really like the idea of a spread-out wedding, with plenty of room for different groups to mix and mingle just like the best parties. A ceremony at the Club would probably have to be downstairs in the long room, but the second floor is definitely the more intriguing area.

In addition to the rental fees, there would be a small per-person charge for place settings. Which becomes a surprisingly important benefit when you learn much caterers charge for that stuff (Amanda's mom is still talking about the $8 to 23 one place quoted her). A lot of places with hefty rental fees just give you the space itself, so having the linens, place settings, centerpieces and help with coordination is a bigger deal than you might think.

Like most places you can use any licensed caterer, but the woman who showed us around had suggestions. All alcohol is purchased through the Club: $20 for a bottle of wine, $250 for a keg and $5-6 for mixed drinks. They can set up a second bar upstairs on request, any the bartenders for both bars are included int he cost.

The Women's Club is a bit tacky in some ways (e.g. purple walls, the plastic green garland left up year round), but the space is also really unique and interesting. Being downtown is cool, even if it's downtown Rockford, and there are plenty of hotels around for visiting guests. I liked the Club enough to move it near the top of the contenders list.

Where: Midway Village

Map | Website

Let's just pretend I posted this four weeks ago, shortly after I visited with Amanda and Ma Criner.

I had high hopes for Midway Village, a popular wedding spot in Rockford. It's an educational turn-of-the-century village complete with town hall, fire station and blacksmith shop. A low-key, partly outdoor wedding definitely appealed; beer at the blacksmith, hors d'oeuvres at the historic hotel. They also host Civil War re-enactments, and after the Union cavalry at my brother's wedding maybe we could start a family tradition.

We learned they don't actually rent you the whole village, though. Receptions are usually at the Lakeview Rooms in the main building near the entrance, or the 1905 Barn back in the actual village area. Ceremonies take place all over, including the gazebo and historic church.

The Lakeview Rooms are near the picturesque millpond, and we could use the pond area for the reception and/or ceremony. They're also adjacent to the parking lot — a plus — and the sock monkey statue — a bigger plus. The rooms themselves seemed a bit claustrophobic, with low ceilings and not enough windows. The dance floor was postage-stamp-sized.

The 1905 Barn is a three-minute walk from the parking lot, down a dirt road past the church. A bit tricky in heels or the dark, since there's no lighting for most of it.

The barn itself is, well, a barn built in 1905. Concrete floor, low ceilings downstairs; spacious, high-raftered upstairs. The lighting might be weak, it was hard to tell in daylight. I really liked the three sets of barn doors, especially the ones on the second floor that open to a wide ramp to ground level. All the doors would need to be open, since there's no air conditioning.

We could use the surrounding area here too, scattering tables and chairs and drawing people outside. As with the path, lighting would be a huge problem. Along with the need for extensive decoration, we'd need get there pretty early to set up.

The prices are reasonable, $800 for the barn and $1,100 for the Lakeview Rooms, including a $200 alcohol fee. You basically get them all day, from 9 a.m. to midnight, and can use any licensed caterer. The gazebo is another $175 for a ceremony.

I think I saw more possibility than the Criners. The sheer flexibility to do whatever we want, the outdoor access, and the pricetag kept it in the running. But it definitely didn't turn out to be what we'd hoped.

Hey yo, I'm actually blogging

Clearly, I have been remiss in my wedding blog duties. We're very close to a final decision on our location and date, but I'm going to do rundowns of a few places we've looked at since I last posted... almost seven weeks ago??? Jeez, what a hoser.

Dealbreakers

Too many options! Way too many.

And, not enough options! Not nearly enough...

Here are the dealbreakers - not the things I want - but the things that are absolute musts and cannot be compromised on. I figure my organized thinking should help in some small fashion. Here are the dealbreakers:

1. Drinks - I called Rock Cut State Park - a beloved park with lots of gorgeous picnic areas. Rock Cut doesn't allow booze of any sort ever (though I can promise you everyone in my family has broken that rule) so it's out. We must be able to serve drinks. Must.
2. Ridiculous fees and rules - I'm just exhausted from all the restrictions and costs for things that seem like nothing. To rent many spaces (which you have to fill with flower you buy, table you rent, tablecloths you rent, food you buy from a specific caterer, and drinks from a specific, insured bartender - garrrr!) you must follow rules involving timelines, vendors and other crap.
3. Being fancy for the sake of seeming fancy. B and I are not fancy people. I can certainly rock out a dress and heels, sure, but I want our wedding to be a party celebrating the people we are - not the people we are when we get incredibly dolled up. I love the idea of real food at our wedding. And a keg of beer and bottles of wine we like. I don't need nueskebacon, poached quail eggs, black truffle brioche. I don't mind some fanciness, but I do mind becoming suddenly pretentious for this one event.

That is it. Over Turkey Weekend Julie Beth, Cindy, my mom (and my dad if he's incredible bored and suddenly interested) might do some figuring out. So, keep the advice and ideas coming...

Thinking

I'm realizing there are 1 million ways to do this whole wedding thing. So, the challenge now is just deciding what's important and what fits what we want.

We did a bit of sight-seeing in Rockford and Julie is coming to town for Thanksgiving so we'll do a bit more thinking about options while she's here too.

Here are my disorganized thoughts right now.... Any feedback, answers, thoughts are very appreciated.

1. My parents house is an amazing option but possibly very challenging and too small. Even using the neighbors backyard might make things a little snug. Plus we have weather to figure out too.
2. There are other parks that I should check out - not in Chicago (Chicago Park District rules are prohibitive), but near Rockford.
3. I talked to a very nice person with Harry Caray's Catering. They have a ton of excellent options and sound pretty flexible. The selling point for me was the Ballpark Buffet - hot dogs and hamburgers with all the fixings! This sounds like just the kind of food I'd like for my wedding - fun, delicious and unpretentious. Harry Caray's will also travel pretty far so we have a lot of options. Yum.
4. Mrs. Murphy's is the only spot in Chicago that I'm still keen on after hearing about the rates. It might be the place, but we have to figure out logistics (parking, hotel) before we know for sure.

Any thoughts, friends?

Where: My parent's house?

Maybe I'm over-reacting.

I"m finding myself wishing for things to be more simple with this planning process. Every question I answer creates six more that don't have easy answers. Trying to do things in a non-traditional, un-fancy way seems so much more complicated than hosting a sit-down meal for 200 at a banquet hall (which isn't what we want). Some places have too many rules and others have so few rules I don't know how we'd figure out the basics.

So, I'm incredibly interested in a backyard wedding at my parents beautiful home. They are thinking about this - and I don't know if this is possible or if it'd be fun for them. I realize there are still things to take care of (rent a tent, rent a dance floor, get permission to make so much noise, figure out bathrooms, find a caterer, figure out where to put everything, etc) - but there's less of a timeline, fewer rules and it'd feel like home.

I can picture a tent in the backyard, a bar setup inside, a few caterers about to help and the neighbor kids valeting cars in the front. I can also imagine the yard that's gorgeous on an average day in June as a beautiful setting for a big party. I can see getting ready upstairs and wandering down when it's time to go. It seems really amazing in my head, and also really do-able since I wouldn't be contending with lot of other factors out of reach.

It's still work, but it seems worth considering.

A tree farm

My mom has a friend who is helping her daughter plan a wedding - free legwork, I say!

Among a few other nice Rockford ideas is Williams Tree Farm - possibility plus a tractor train! Like other oddball locations this offers a few challenges too - particularly lodging and transportation to the lodging. I don't exactly want to send all my Chicago friends scooting through the countryside. But I do like the idea of getting married outside, hosting a reception in a lodge and being on a tree farm.

There's also Midway Village - a museum, sort of. There are several olde timey buildings, as well as a big wooded area. It's a pretty neat place, depending on what you're looking for. I must admit that I connect Midway Village to the Civil War Reenactment that they hosted there during summers while I was growing up. There's nothing like a Civil War Reenactment, in case you don't know it. And there's nothing quite so heroic (in the realm of re-enacting at least) as men in wool soldier's uniforms fighting with bayonets in the July sun.

I'm going to vote against a wedding during the Civil War Reenactment. That's for sure.

Where: Irish American Heritage Center

Map | Website

Last Saturday after visiting a couple other venues (see Amanda's post below — she's much better at punctual blogging than I am), we took the Montrose bus to the Irish American Heritage Center. I've been there for several St. Patrick's Day Celebrations; it's what you'd expect from cramming several thousand Irish into a converted high school (i.e. awesome).

The first thing we noted was the parking, which is a concern with the other two places we looked at Saturday. There's no shortage here — they'd managed to fit a few hundred cars into the multiple parking lots for a play when we visited.

The main attraction at the IAHC is the Fifth Province, the pub that's open on the weekend. After you're done learning about Irish Heritage, you can grab a pint or two and enjoy some food, Irish or otherwise. Which is exactly what we did.

The Fifth Province is one of several areas available for rental. It can fit about 175-200 people at maximum, and has plenty of seating (not to mention a fireplace). The biggest downside is that the bar is open to the public starting at 5 p.m. Friday and Saturday nights, regardless of whether it's been rented. So if your wedding is going to last past 5, you'd better be OK with random people joining in. And possibly an Irish band.

There are several other rooms available for rent, but the only one big enough would be the Eden Room on the fourth floor (there's an elevator). It's a recently-renovated ballroom and much more of a blank slate than the pub, so we'd have to devote more thought to decorations. And it's not air-conditioned up there, so a mid-summer wedding would definitely be out.

The prices are fairly reasonable, $1,500 for the pub and $3,500 for the Eden room. I'm waiting to hear back from the bar manager about drink packages. Rental includes use of the kitchen; you can use any caterer that's properly insured.

There are some difficulties to be worked out. But it's a possibility, and the parking and easy access off the expressway are major bonuses. And I do like the idea of our wedding guests wandering and congregating up and down the IAHC's four floors. It's a cozy place.

Browsing on a Saturday afternoon

Since we live close to a few contenders (the result of wedding location hunting while running) B and I strolled on Saturday afternoon to a few possibilities. I thought we'd decide against at least one of 'em, but we're even more thrilled with the options near home - though we do have about a million more questions than we started with.

Since I wrote up the first two anyway, I'll follow up about what we learned, saw and discussed.

We came upon Architectural Artifacts during setup for a wedding. Two women were walking toward the building carrying some plants so I asked if there was a wedding inside. They were incredibly nice and snuck us in to check things out as setup continued. The place is enormous. There are tons of windows, plus a large, exposed lower level. The wedding of the night had a space for dancing and a lounge area with seats. They also had plenty of tables set up for a sit-down dinner. We're not planning a sit-down meal, but there's room for it.

Architectural Artifacts has a ton of space for wandering. There's rooms and levels of architectural salvage - signs, chandelier parts, clocks, whatever. That's beautiful for photos and for wanderers.

After sneaking into the wedding on Ravenswood we headed to Mrs. Murphy's & Sons for a pint of beer. The hostess shared a pamphlet of rates with us and we did the math while drinking. Food and drinks for wedding for 150 people (that's who'd fit comfortable upstairs) would cost around $10,000 at Murphy's. This is a lot of money. And we'd be cutting our current list a bit to even fit. All these factors put Murphy's in the "no way" category, even though it is a beautiful location. On the way out we talked to the hostess/event planner though. She told us that while Murphy's is popular for fall weddings they're slow in the summer. We could, she said, arrange to rent the entire bar on a Saturday in July as long as we spent $10,000. Hmmmm. That means space for everyone, a bar to ourselves for a night and some room for negotiation...

I can imagine either Murphy's or Architectural Artifacts working beautifully. I'm trying to be mindful of the total cost - dresses, flowers, decor, food, drinks, music, forks, everything. Murphy's is costly, but also would include a lot of the things we'd have to worry about elsewhere (food, drink, servers, linens). Is that worth so much money? Can we even spend that much money?

I always hear that the little things can really add up and no matter our budget I want to be aware of where money's going.

And of course we still are open to many, many other options and ideas. Please share yours and let us know what we're totally forgetting. The bartender at Mrs. Murphy's asked if I had a wedding planner and I almost choked on my beer. I'm hoping our blog readers will fill in for such a professional - we'll pay you back with open bar and delightful appreciation.

Where: Architectural Artifacts

Map | Website

This architectural salvage and antique shop is on Ravenswood Avenue — one of the coolest streets in the city, about three blocks from our apartment. It's got personality and flexibility to be sure, but a hefty pricetag.

My mom and I both adore architectural salvage shops - the sort of places where you can find bathtubs for your St. Francis of Assisi, torsos of old statues, fireplace fronts and more. Architectural Artifacts is in a huge, tall building on Ravenswood and arranges the antiques and salvage items in a modern, interesting fashion.

I love the windows, the light, the old stuff with modern surroundings, the street with trains buzzing by. I love that I could walk from home to my wedding.

A private rental at Architectural Artifacts is $4200. Yikes. That's without food, servers, drinks, anything. But you don't need to set the scene at all, and guests automatically have a ton to look at. Despite its high price I'm calling Architectural Artifacts to learn more.

Where: Mrs. Murphy and Sons

Map | Website

Mrs. Murphy's is a classy Irish pub with surprising menu and un-annoying Irish decor - might it win my heart?

After we ate a delicious dinner there our waiter showed us around the upstairs, which people can rent out for weddings and parties. It's not enormous, but does have great windows, lots of mellow green walls and a nice atmosphere.

It's not a banquet-hall so it's not an entirely blank slate - this is good and bad, I think. There's space to mill about, an elevator for grandparent types and Irish whiskey for my dad.

I think there's parking nearby, too. That's a plus. And Mrs. Murphy is related to the Murphy's Bleachers Murphys, so that's a big plus.

I'm going to find out more and report back!

Where: Promontory Point

Map | Website

This is the first write-up of wedding locations we're investigating.

I've wanted to get married at Promontory Point for a long time. It's one of the most beautiful (and under-utilized) spots in Chicago, and Amanda and I have had some great times there grilling, swimming, strolling and enjoying the lakefront with friends and family. I've always liked the idea of getting married somewhere you have a pre-existing connection to, that's special because of more than just your wedding. I imagine that's one of the nicer aspects of getting married at a place of worship you've been attending for years.

So I've really had nothing but good experiences at Promontory Point — and that's why exploring a wedding there has been such a disappointment. The Chicago Park District, despite being in my experience lax in almost every other respect, has a list of rules as long as your arm when it comes to weddings. You are required to pay for a bathroom attendant and security guard. All food and alcohol must be served by a caterer, and you can only choose from a list of Park-District-approved (i.e. expensive) caterers. You are not allowed to bring any food or alcohol besides a wedding cake. Even the tent-setter-uppers must come from the list of "Preferred Professionals."

Now, some of this is just our first real encounter with the dirty business of planning a wedding; I'm sure the same goes for many other locations, and I know we'll be astounded many times over by the venality of the wedding-industrial complex.

But come on — this is a public park. There will be people in shorts and flip-flops hanging out not 100 feet from the ceremony, not to mention using the same bathroom as the guests. If I just brought 50 friends to the Point, we could have an awesome party with nary a bathroom attendant in sight. But because it's a wedding, we have to pay someone to open a bottle of wine and serve our cake. Why can't we just pay a security deposit so they know we won't wreck the place and take it from there?

In the end, though, all of this is something of a moot Point: it's pretty much booked from May to the end of September next year. There's a few Saturday mornings available for just the ceremony (you have to be done by 2), but you're not allowed to serve and food or alcohol in the morning slot, and I think we've got our hearts set on pre-ceremony cocktails.

So as much as it pains me, I think I've got to let go my Promontory Point wedding dreams. It's been kind of hard, but in a way helpful — now that the perfect wedding playing in my head is dashed, I can concentrate on finding somewhere else just as cool that will let us do things our way.

Where?

If wedding magazines are to be believed (there's a Chicago Bride around here somewhere), the first thing to decide is the location. Other than close to home (Chicago and/or Rockford), Manda and I only have two deal-breakers.


Flexibility to do things our way

We don't want to cook the food or take the pictures, but I think we can handle some of the legwork and preparation. It'll be more fun, more us, and a hell of a lot cheaper (we want to avoid the dreaded wedding markup at all costs).

Possibilities: hiring a chef and buying the food wholesale; printing (professionally designed) invitations ourselves; having the ceremony at a free location; music by iPod with rented sound equipment; or hiring a photojournalism student to take pictures. Above all we want o avoid having to choose from pre-packed wedding options because that's what the location insists on.

How much of this is workable, or even possible? We'll find out. We've got quite a talented cast of friends and family, so we won't be going it alone.


Memorable location

Banquet halls really aren't our thing: we'd like to find someplace original and cool. Hopefully not a place that's in the business of hosting weddings — we've discovered that if a location comes with a website specifically devoted to their weddings, it's probably out of our price range.

Some potential (and completely made-up) ideas: brewery, museum, state park, minor league baseball game, Medieval Times.


We're pretty flexible on everything else. The ceremony and reception don't have to be at the same place, though that certainly makes things easier. We'd like to get married outside, but that's not a requirement. And if we find a place we really love that has some restriction, maybe we can compromise on that, too.

Please, let us know any any all suggestions in the comments. We need to find a place pronto, if for no other reason than to have an answer when people ask us where and when the wedding is!

What are we getting into?

So, Bucklebee Barnes and I are getting married.

We biked 23 miles to the Chicago Botanic Garden a few weeks ago. In a state of exercise-induced giddiness and excitement over giant pumpkins we decided to get married. Bucklebee gave me beautiful Tiffany diamond earrings - engagement earrings are the new thing, you know.

Now we're trying to plan something non-traditional (but it's still a wedding), fun, modern, feminist, simple, affordable, pretty and us. We're blogging about this to share information with the people who are helping us plan and to share this information with people who are also interested in avoiding the wedding industrial complex while planning a wedding.

We are happy to hear opinions and ideas. We are open to just about everything (except for a church wedding, calligraphy, too many white flowers, playing YMCA, being mean to our friends by asking them to wear stupid outfits, or anything extraordinarily stupid). So, here goes.